I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My bed smells like the plague
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
