marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
