Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
