I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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