I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
