I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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