i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
