I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
