i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
