I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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