Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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