...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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