Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
