I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
