he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
