How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize