In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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