Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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