Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
