I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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