But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
