First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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