another moral hangover. fuck.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
