As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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