is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize