I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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