I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
