when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
