just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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