Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
