just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
