i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
