we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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