Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
