i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
