here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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