i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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