My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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