there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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