If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
