does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
