I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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