The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
