The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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