a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
