well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
