Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize