did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
