we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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