Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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