omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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