Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
