What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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