I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
