And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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