She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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