i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
