i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
