And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize