I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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