I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
